As you wait for your long-desired child, the thoughts that fill your mind are endless.
Thoughts of joy.
Perhaps a few thoughts of fear.
What if this happens? What if this doesn't?
You run through the births that your mind has collected (past births, your mother's births, the births of your friends). And the scenarios start to seem endless. Your little one could come loudly or quietly. Your birth could be long or short. There could be drama or it could go exactly as you plan...
Or perhaps your mind only replays one story, the very story you wish you didn't have to think about again and again.
Dear friend, this waiting can feel painful. As your body is stretched farther and wider than you ever thought possible, your mind lets you know that it too can keep up.
But sweet sister, I promise the wait is almost over. These are the last few days of hidden connection. These are the last few moments when it's just you and him. He is readying to enter the world, and there's no doubt that his arrival will be different that you expected.
But that's not something to be feared.
Because it's only the beginning of his unique story...a story that we, as mothers, are both part of and separate from. A story that began inside of us, mysterious and beautiful.
I remember waiting for my own daughter during the hot summer days of June. Her due date came with the fires that swept across Colorado and went it passed my heart sank...
How could this possibly go on any longer?
I walked, we had sex, I ate spicy food, I took hot baths. Still, she would not come.
And then one night, I walked with my husband through our neighborhood. The air was hazy from the smoke, and for once, we couldn't see Colorado's blue skies or the peak that presided above us. We came upon a neighborhood park and three young deer. They pranced and chased each other through the fields, a sight that I had not seen before. Their movements were uninhibited. Such grace and power and joy seemed to course through their bodies. We stood their watching, and I felt my daughter move inside of me. Little did I know it was our last night of waiting.
But as I walked home, I felt the energy of the world around me. Knowing that soon, so very soon, my body would indeed release...and the same grace and power and joy that I had just seen would allow me to birth my daughter.
So sweet friend, I know this wait is long. I know these day seems to stretch. But soon, so very soon, you'll hold your sweet baby in your arms. Soon, so very soon, your body will do something as extraordinary and as ordinary as everything we see in nature. Let yourself sink into it. Let yourself ride on it. Let yourself go.